Tuesday, December 30, 2008

What I learned!

How to cope with the bad times?

I don't remember being really hopeless in my life time except for my father's sickness 11 years ago, or couple of heart breaks with a boy friend. But I was always an anxious, nervous and extra emotional person thanks to my paternal family legacy for generations. (They all ended up with heart diseases). It is really hard for me to be very happy without thinking, whether I should not be or I deserve it...etc. There has been a clock ticking in my head 24/7, about the situations since I was a child. Worrying about the phone call, traffic police, neighbours, family and friends in Turkey, my child who won't be born at least in couple years, when in Turkey worrying about Orkan who stayed here, my home, my job...etc. Constant and sometimes useless and senseless worrying made me tired.

Now there is a real situation needs to be worried and I don't know what to feel, think or do.
One minute I don't care and decide to go with the flow and the next minute I feel I am in a nightmare soon to be woken up. Life was always generous and good to me. Good parents, family, friends, now a husband, home I love very much. I was a whiner until college, for meaningless stuff, mostly to punish my mother for keeping her job until I grew up. I thought I needed her all the time or maybe I was lonely, but after I became mature enough to think that I was wrong and stopped whining. I learned to solve the problems or rather, find answers to the situations. The situation we are in, the economic situation of the country which affected us very deeply, is the toughest one I have faced in my lifetime. I know if I had told this to my grandmother, she would have laughed and told me that they had seen wars, hunger and sickness without having any resources to deal with them. We are the ones, who were born almost with the silver spoons in our mouths. No hunger, no economic crisis, no wars affected us because we haven't seen any. Now we live in a country that is in deep recession maybe a depression, which took away our jobs, a lot of people's homes, and hopes.

How are we going to deal with it?
I am thinking and talking to myself what should be a good punishment for this giant devil. Keeping up your head, hoping and believing yourself, and the future that this is going to be over someday hopefully soon. Watching a nice movie helped me yesterday to get away from my deepest thoughts, or listening to music makes me positive and go away for a while. Thinking about the good times in the future preferably in my country in a small town makes me smile and fills my heart with hope. I can't help wondering if this a blessing in disguise, in order to shake ourselves, toughen up and do something.

I always missed my country, family and friends all those I am here, years passed by so fast. Did I do something real, did I help anyone, did I touch somebody's heart in a dark time at least? I don't know. I hope I did.
I had good times, few good friends, some tears, new experiences, and knowledge past 7.5 years. I learned to decide and make my choices, walk the way I know. Do I regret? I don't. This country made me grow up, I built my own family and home for the first time with many struggles now seems very far away. I learned to deal with anger also seems far away but always remembered, learned to love , live, try, try even harder to survive. I loved here but never more than where I lived and loved for 25 years of my life. I left there having few heart breaks, but many loving friends, a wonderful family whom I would not exchange for the world, and a whole 25 years full of memories which trace me all along. I am so happy I have all those. So bad economy? I guess I don't care any more. I just count my blessings and look forward to have a healthy and happy life, maybe it is our time to go.
Happy, go, lucky! What else is in our hands except to create a small happiness around us.
May 2009 bring hope, love, happiness and friendship to all.

Friday, October 24, 2008

The woman I admire

"If you hear the dogs keep going. If you see the torches in the woods keep going. If they are shouting after you keep going. Don't ever stop, keep going. If you want a taste of freedom keep going" she screamed in the convention quoting from Hariett Tubman an abolitionist and humanitarian during the civil war.

You may like her or not!! I didn't like her very much in the beginning of this year, and before I didn't know her very well.

But the more I learned and read about her, I started to like and admire her very much and once in a while wished I was like her.

At first glance she looked very tough, ambitious and sometimes obnoxious. Her straightforwardness, her tireless efforts to succeed and speeches were irritating to me, and maybe I wasn't objective because I liked the other guy, her rival.

I didn't want her to win, I didn't want her to hurt the other guy and couldn't understand her insistence on winning. She had everything until then. She went to best schools, she was one of the best in her profession, she lived in the most desirable house in the country, she has seen many different countries, cultures, she has met world leaders, celebrities, authors. Why is the insistence?

After her bid was over, I wanted to know more about her, something drew me to her. I listened to her speeches and read her books.
She was a human like all of us. Her upbringing, family, neighborhood, friends, traditions and most of all feelings were very similar to those of a lot of people's.

She just wanted to change the world, wanted to make a difference on people's lives most of whom less fortunate. She saw the world as a daughter, student, activist, wife and mother but most of all as an independent educated, self aware woman. She is the one who stood up to the men who ruled the country without hesitation, but she was the one who had worries about her daughter's challenges growing up in public eye as well as children who don't have health care, she was the one who debates toe to toe in men's world and makes sure she is heard by the rest of the world.

While reading her self written biography I realized how open heartedly her life was shared: her mistakes, successes, feelings and her faith. You may not be a believer of any religon but she quotes John Wesley's ,an English preacher and founder of Methodist movement,words and says she took heart on those words :

"Do all the good you can,
By all the means you can,
In all the ways you can,
In all the places you can,
At all the times you can,
To all the people you can,
As long as ever you can.

Even if you are not fond of her you can find some common ground with her with these words, I did.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Happiness is where you least expect it: it is all around you.*


I loved it very much. Gives you happiness, joy, makes you laugh and think. You will fall in love with her, I did.

*From the movie's official poster


Two weeks from today we will have an election. It is going to be my second presidential election to see in this country. It wasn't very excited 4 years ago, although everybody I knew wanted to get rid of Bush.

He was elected somehow.

But this year is different. There is a big attention, excitement and interest in the election, especially on my side in our home.
I have been following the primaries since January. Somehow I grew interest in it and started watching the primaries, caucases and the debates. Although I liked Hillary Clinton I supported Obama. I guess I had a crash on him as my friend Catie says.

It was very nerve breaking actually to watch the Democratic primary season coming to an end. Who has the most delegates, who has the popular votes...etc. was the daily struggle. I even contributed Obama campaigned, blogged on his website. I am not eligible to vote since I am not a citizen in the US.
But I figured if am living , working, paying tax here, planning to have and raise a child here, I needed to get involved somehow, small or big, wanted to have an opinion on the issues, and on the other candidate as well.

Why I like Barack Obama? To make it short and precise; he is down to earth, one of us and he is intelligent.
He knows what this country needs, he knows what he needs to do in his presidency. He never says it is going to be easy, he never promised a rosy future, he always said he needed help from people, and he can't do it himself.
He talked about hope, which some people took it for granted. But isn't it the hope that makes us wake up in the morning when we don't have anything else.

Obama according to me represents change and he is a revolutionary figure in the days of darkness and hopelessness. These tough days will be overcome I am sure as they were in the future, I have no doubt about that. But I don't think we can do it with McCain and especially Palin on the ticket. Palin is a very very conservative and shallow figure. She has energized people that's for sure, she is female, young and new figure in the political arena.
I watched her very closely wanted know who she is and wanted to take a pride as a woman to see her in that position. But couldn't find anything.

She is accomplished no doubt about that.
The first thing I didn't like about her is her tone of voice and her mimics especially she makes with her mouth. Her very conservative thoughts about social issues turned me off very badly. I support gay and abortion rights or not. They should be my personal decisions if I needed to make a decision, a government shouldn't be involved on those decisions.
And the biggest moment I grew very apart from her was, (as if I grew very close to her) her very rookie, shallow answers and discussions in the interviews and the debate.
She can't answer any of the questions that have been asked to her and more important that matter to people, she can't keep it simple, she talks about some other stuff and goes deeper and deeper in the mud. It is unbelievable.

14 days from today we will have known who is going to be the president for 4 years. I can't wait to see Obama to have a victory, change the tone and the destiny of this country I live in which I consider home for now. Go Obama has been my mantra since last winter and I hope that it will be for a long time.