How to cope with the bad times?
I don't remember being really hopeless in my life time except for my father's sickness 11 years ago, or couple of heart breaks with a boy friend. But I was always an anxious, nervous and extra emotional person thanks to my paternal family legacy for generations. (They all ended up with heart diseases). It is really hard for me to be very happy without thinking, whether I should not be or I deserve it...etc. There has been a clock ticking in my head 24/7, about the situations since I was a child. Worrying about the phone call, traffic police, neighbours, family and friends in Turkey, my child who won't be born at least in couple years, when in Turkey worrying about Orkan who stayed here, my home, my job...etc. Constant and sometimes useless and senseless worrying made me tired.
Now there is a real situation needs to be worried and I don't know what to feel, think or do.
One minute I don't care and decide to go with the flow and the next minute I feel I am in a nightmare soon to be woken up. Life was always generous and good to me. Good parents, family, friends, now a husband, home I love very much. I was a whiner until college, for meaningless stuff, mostly to punish my mother for keeping her job until I grew up. I thought I needed her all the time or maybe I was lonely, but after I became mature enough to think that I was wrong and stopped whining. I learned to solve the problems or rather, find answers to the situations. The situation we are in, the economic situation of the country which affected us very deeply, is the toughest one I have faced in my lifetime. I know if I had told this to my grandmother, she would have laughed and told me that they had seen wars, hunger and sickness without having any resources to deal with them. We are the ones, who were born almost with the silver spoons in our mouths. No hunger, no economic crisis, no wars affected us because we haven't seen any. Now we live in a country that is in deep recession maybe a depression, which took away our jobs, a lot of people's homes, and hopes.
How are we going to deal with it?
I am thinking and talking to myself what should be a good punishment for this giant devil. Keeping up your head, hoping and believing yourself, and the future that this is going to be over someday hopefully soon. Watching a nice movie helped me yesterday to get away from my deepest thoughts, or listening to music makes me positive and go away for a while. Thinking about the good times in the future preferably in my country in a small town makes me smile and fills my heart with hope. I can't help wondering if this a blessing in disguise, in order to shake ourselves, toughen up and do something.
I always missed my country, family and friends all those I am here, years passed by so fast. Did I do something real, did I help anyone, did I touch somebody's heart in a dark time at least? I don't know. I hope I did.
I had good times, few good friends, some tears, new experiences, and knowledge past 7.5 years. I learned to decide and make my choices, walk the way I know. Do I regret? I don't. This country made me grow up, I built my own family and home for the first time with many struggles now seems very far away. I learned to deal with anger also seems far away but always remembered, learned to love , live, try, try even harder to survive. I loved here but never more than where I lived and loved for 25 years of my life. I left there having few heart breaks, but many loving friends, a wonderful family whom I would not exchange for the world, and a whole 25 years full of memories which trace me all along. I am so happy I have all those. So bad economy? I guess I don't care any more. I just count my blessings and look forward to have a healthy and happy life, maybe it is our time to go.
Happy, go, lucky! What else is in our hands except to create a small happiness around us.
May 2009 bring hope, love, happiness and friendship to all.